Henry Kissinger awoke in his four-poster bed, opening his eyes to bright sunshine. The bed was his own, the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, he had not died after all!
“I’m alive!” he exclaimed aloud. “The Spirits granted me mercy! I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!” Kissinger repeated as he scrambled out of bed. “The Hanukkah Spirits shall strive within me. Rockefeller be praised for this! I say it on my knees, on my knees!”
His face wet with tears, Kissinger ran to the window, opened it, and put out his head. “What’s today!” cried Kissinger, calling downward to a boy wearing Adidas, who looked like he had nowhere to be.
“Eh?” returned the boy, with all his might of wonder.
“What’s today, my fine fellow?” said Kissinger.
“Today!” replied the boy. “Why, it’s Hanukkah!”
“Hanukkah!” said Kissinger to himself. “I haven’t missed it. The Spirits have done it all in one night. They can do anything they like.”
“What’s that?” called the boy.
“Oh, it’s just a miracle. Last night, I was visited by three spirits.”
“Spirits!” repeated the boy. “Like Captain Morgan?”
“In the course of a single night,” Kissinger continued, “I was shown my entire life. From my beginnings as a middle-class German-Jewish boy, to my escape from the Hitler regime, to the hard right flipflop I did on Rockefeller’s campaign that led me to Nixon’s cabinet. No moment was spared of its raw truth!”
“That’s cool,” shouted the boy, less loudly, and now playing with his phone.
“It was like a docuseries! And in each episode, I was shown undeniably how my entire life I’ve behaved like a power-hungry, warmongering shithead.”
The boy did not answer this time. Kissinger paused a moment before continuing.
“And you know what? I’m fine with that. Thanks for listening kid. Here’s a quarter.”
He threw the quarter to the boy. It caved into his skull and killed him instantly, right there in the street.
This is part 6 in my untitled Hanukkah series. Catch up on the previous “gifts”: